Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
