Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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