Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
