They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
