i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
