so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
