Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My liver just broke up with me...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize