quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize