i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
