You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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