**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
