Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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