Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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