He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
