Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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