porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize