Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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