sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
