If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
