was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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