This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
