This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
