Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
