I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize