Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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