I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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