my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
