Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
