Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
