I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He felt like a one man threesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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