So drunk its hurt
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
