who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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