either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
