Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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