a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
did you just send me my own nude
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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