Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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