I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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