You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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