I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
