i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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