i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
