Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
