After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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