pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
