i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
