I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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