I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
