Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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