i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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