Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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