you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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