Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
