We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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