The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
