okay pat passed out under dana's car
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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