You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
