Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
