I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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