Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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