Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
