My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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