dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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