I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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