This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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