Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
